As I stated in the last post that after treating myself in with rigid discipline, I started to sabotage myself. And for the longest time I felt like I couldn’t do anything right, and I was a failure. I didn’t know what I could do to get my act together. After the army, I felt even more that I needed to just suck it up and do what I’m told. This even followed me as a psychologist when I only focused on the patients and just gave myself the bare minimum rest, never truly looking what I actually wanted. It was after my first experience with a reflexologist, that I discovered what it meant to be open to life.
I discovered what it meant to do things I wanted to do, without feeling guilty. Of course, life went forward and the patterns of self-doubt crept in. But now I had a taste of what life could be like. And what real change would look like. Getting upset at not being perfect in my routines, at breaking my patterns, was just harming myself. Because every time I start to berate my actions, judge myself with strict standards and keep expecting perfection, all this just tells my inner child he is not good enough. And the child will feel shameful and depressed. What does this achieve? Will it make it into a man, like so many self-help gurus promise? Well, it never worked for me. What did work, was forgiving myself? Saying it was okay, we will learn from those mistakes and improve however long it will take. That we love ourselves, just how we are, with all our mistakes. We just keep going towards getting better, we know that if we feel like we have hit a wall, that we ask to help and try something new. We try bringing good to our lives and do good things. And slowly I stared to change for the better. It wasn’t a magical fix or anything revolutionary. I just found what worked better for me over time. One of the therapies that worked, bringing myself into deeper connection with myself was Conscious Connected Breathwork and the TRE method for releasing trauma. They were the therapies that I found helpful, when I needed them. And I encourage anyone who feels like they could help, give these a try as well.
And I still use those therapies to help me be more connected with myself and brining into my life what is good for me and breaking the patterns which are harming me.
Thank you for reading.
