I have for the longest time wanted myself to reach the success that has come the new norm in our media. As a young boy I lived most of the time in the future. I planned and waited for the time I was successful, then I would find the people who love me and I would be content with my life. But I still had trouble sticking to new habits. Because the only way I knew how to make myself do something was to set hard goals and habits that I would stick to every day.
I believed that being hard on myself will make me a strong man. But the reality of it was it made a tyrant to myself and those around me. I would demand excellence from myself and those around me. Because I still wanted to make something of myself. There is nothing inherently wrong with demanding excellence, but for me it made me sabotage myself, I lost contact and became angry with myself. It was the critical me who demanded that he was most important because we had goals and we needed them to become someone who mattered in our world. And there was the experiencing me who wanted to enjoy life and be open to life.
The result was war between those two, with myself sabotaging any goals I had set for myself. The end was I couldn’t win either way. I was unhappy with myself, and I hadn’t reached any of my goals. So after years studying to become a psychologist and self-development, I concluded 2 methods that helped me. I needed to either lock down my critical and experience self with consequences or find a way for there to be peace with those two.
The first one is the popular method on how to stop procrastinating. You make a social contract with a family member, friend or partner. Where if I don’t do something I promised I would be penalized. I have heard of people giving away money, eating something disgusting or making a public speech. But that works only for short term, if there is something that can be measured and if you don’t abuse it.
The second one is treating yourself with care and love. It means being kind and patient with oneself. This takes practise and care. It means deepening the connection between every part of your being. And is something that will be a different experience for anyone doing it.
Thank you for reading, it there will be a video that dives deeper into this topic.
